of gifts and love

a gift...is in small way same as makeing love, it is were two people become one in a moment in time

I choose to learn from my past becouse i can. recently i had a meeting

with a assocate of mine who i had wronged in the past, and another

person who i knew who was reinventing his past. And it occored to me,

although i tend to keep an unbiased event joranal i too have been known

to keep a biased view on events past. But the talk with the one i had

wronged...at the time i felt i had grounds to be antonistic to him, and

to most people they would of siad i did. But in our "modern culture" we

have lost one of the two means of dealing with problems deciivly. so

today to deal with a problem deciivily i can no longer pound the other

person into submission. I must rise above it.
But in my talks with him, i apoligised for esclateing the situiation

and he told me not to worry about it, he held no anomonisty about it.

But...it is a moment i lived, and a moment i lived as less then i

should of. so the only way to bring honor and right liveing to that

moment now is to learn from it.
i will say this is a very tireing path,
i have no savior who will forgive me of my sins, so that i have but to

bend knee's in submission to live right
i have no illusison that this live has no meaning. and i know better

then many, and not as near as most that joy can be wraped in suffering
i choose to learn from my mistakes becouse i can, i choose to live the

life i feel i should.
i have alwase held the belief that i would consider converting to a

religion if i saw its people as a whole liveing a life as it should be

lived. i understand all will make mistakes, and mistakes are needed to

grow, we are creatures of suffering , becouse we are creatures of

survivle. if no-one is there to poke us, we will not run unless we

choose to do so our selfs... and the gap between the two is far.
i try to hold hope for those who have a savior who asks only for

submission. that they may learn to live each day as an example
i hold compassion for those who live this life, while trying to escape

it at all times.
i hold empthy for those who think we have more lives then this, that we

live at this time
and i hold pity for those who try to live in a way that they hope will

be an example to those who they meet.